Now and Later

Telling W. What happened. Showing only my side of the conversation.


Last yeah I was hospitalized for a week to get my stomach pumped mid second semester. That's why I'm behind in school and trying to play catchup. I was admitted for trying to kill myself by ODing on OTC drugs and whiskey. 

Turns out I had a thyroid problem that made me extra moody and extra sensitive to change and discomfort. All my emotions were heightened. 

And that's how I feel again. No I'm not going to kill myself. 
I just feel like I'm in the same place I was then. 

And it sucks. And I think that's why I'm so sensitive to this ---- thing. 

When I stopped being friends with ---- it was because I had so much shit of my own to deal with that I didn't need someone who not only was bringing me down but didnt even pretend to try and bring me up. 

So yes it was very selfish of me to say the things I said. But I had every right to say what I said. 

It wasn't about her. It was about me and what I needed. 
All I knew was to eat and see my friends literally everyday. 

I gained 50 pounds in the past year. 

And I cut out a lot of negative shit in my life. 

And around this time last year was when it all went down. 

And I'm just getting so worked up and so upset for nothing. 

But I can't help it. I can't stop it. 

It was literally a year and two weeks ago that it all happened. 

And that's why I wanted to distract myself with --------'- birthday and engulf myself in all of that. 

Like I know it was a long time ago but it really wasn't. 
I just needed someone in my corner and I thought that was --------. And this time it wasn't. 

I haven't been this worked up since last year. I'm crying so hard I can't even see what I'm typing. Like crazy ugly noises are coming out of me right now.

Today was the night of the birthday/Dinner party and it more or less went well, some minor changes but I think it was an overall successful day. But more on that later.

xo.

Place Cards

Mirrors - Justin Timberlake

So here is something about me you may not have picked up on yet. I am very good at coming up with great ideas, putting them into actuality not so much. A great example of this would be; My Besties Birthday. The plan has been revised x amount of times and I’m really hoping the current plan is also the final plan. The Plan has included at one point or another; a trampoline park, a comedy club and various other activities. The Finalized Plan, I hope, goes as follows. A visit to the gun range, lunch at Destiny or Go 4 Tea followed by a relaxing afternoon in my kitchen making dinner, drinking, catching up and just being together. Followed by a Pot Luck Dinner Party.  I will have place cards, and folded napkins and center pieces and everything! Hand made center pieces of course. I should see about posting pictures on this blog too...

So for this dinner, I’m going to be making nachos, sweet potato mash, boccaccini salad and a charcuterie board! What can I say, I’m ambitious! So there is a slight possibility that the next few posts will be about this friday! (the dinner and gun range trip)

Hopefully I will be able to update you soon! 

XO.

ps. Im eating a kale salad right now and it tastes like grass. How do I make this better? Ive got kale, quinoa, carrots, radish, flax seed, lemon, olive oil and balsamic vinaigrette.  

Cats Outta The Preverbal Bag

Autumn Leaves - Ed Sheeran

Right so I just told my best friend about this blog, not that there is much to read. But there you go. An insider who knows about this blog. I wonder if that will make me sensor my posts now that I know she will be reading them. I mean she’s not judgey, but she does know my entire life and all its deep dark secrets. Right? I think so. Kinda freaking out. WOOO. 

Okay so how do I post pictures on this bad boy? Change up the theme so it’s less generic? Hmm. Maybe she will be motivation to work at making this blog a more integral part of my life. 

Okay PartyPeople. 
I think this really is goodbye for today! 

kisskiss.

Can't Buy Me Love - The Beatles

Okay so I know I haven’t posted in a while. Not that I’ve got any subscribers, at least I don’t think so. 

 Side Note: So this Mac Pages program doesn’t have autocorrect, at least I don’t think so. So here I am capitalizing my letters, putting in my own apostrophes and what not. So don’t mind my grammar and or spelling mistakes!

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. An update on me. Well let’t see, I’ve been working on eating better and of course exercising more. I do occasionally, say twice a week, have terribly delicious meals; think Grand Electrics spicy squid, Guu’s beef tataki, or Owl of Minervas pork bone soup and fried rice cakes. My last not so good for me meal was Hot Pot at Kim Tao in Richmond Hill, so delicious. Anyways, I have pretty much cut out white rice and bread. I feel less tired and don’t have dizzy spells quite as often. Last week I was just opting for healthier things, more veggies, subbing avocado for mayonnaise, low sodium meats and no dressing. This week I’m trying a all veg diet. It isn’t much of a diet, it’s just being a Vegetarian haha. 

I’m also trying to juice. Today I put spinach in my smoothies for the first time. It was .. terrible. First let me tell you what I put in it. 1 cup of spinach, 1 plum, 1 apple, 1 peeled orange, 1/4 cup rolled oats, 3/4 cup jasmine tea, It was this chunky flavourless think and .. grainy mess. Now I can’t just dump it, look at all the stuff I put it! It would be such a waste. I can however put off drinking it. 

Im currently sitting in Starbucks sipping my second drink of the day; Grande in a Venti Mocha Light Frap with Light Whip and Choco Drizzle. My first was a Grande Low Fat Strawberry Banana Smoothie with Extra protein. Yes, yes I am one of those terrible people who have ridiculous orders in Starbucks. Who order light everything and top off their drinks with whipped cream. 

What can I say, I’m a complicated chick. *imagine a small chicken with combat boots and big curls. See? Complicated. 

Anyways, less of that. More of ME. 

So I’ve started doing yoga again. Super disappointed as to how my body is no where near as flexible as it used to be, but it’s improving quickly, Muscle Memory for the win! I’ve been hitting the gym more, doing a shit ton of cardio. When it’s less icy outside I will definitely take my runs outside. Also slowly working up to doing some weight training. Slow and steady right?

That’s all for now party people!

kisskiss.  

Ps. Thoughts on running groups in Toronto? 

Submitted

www, 

I am going to try and make use of this blog more and post more frequently about a variety of different topics. Todays topic is about My Mom.

I'm not a writer and I know that. I mean I always got A's in english, but then again high school wasn't really about knowing you shit. It was about knowing what the teacher wanted. And no matter how many classes I skipped I always handed in my assignments on time. I never forgot a teachers birthday, or the birthday of one of their kids. When I was in class I always made a point of sitting in the first row, as close to the teachers desk as possible. Don't play the game, play the player. And teachers were the biggest players. They held all the power. Anyways, the point of that jibber jabber was to let you know that I know that you know I don't know shit about writing. I just want to write this blog. So if you are anal about proper structure and form this is not the blog for you! 

Back to todays topic of conversation .. or todays topic of blogging?  

Actually now that I think about it I'm actually at a loss for words. So I think for now I will save this and continue later... But expect more on my kinda cray awesome mom!

Yeah okay, so super new me.

Ive been ignoring this blog I know, but I expected as much from myself. 

Its the beginning of February and there are so many changes in my life. Well, not changes per-say; more like updates.

Biggest News first! My three best friends and I have booked a cruise! YAY! So details, we are going in May with Royal Caribbean International Cruises. I've cruised with them in the past so I have very high expectations. 

I feel like I should mention more on my friends. You see when I say my three best friends I don't mean that the four of us are best friends, I mean that the four of us are very good friends but my relationship with each of them is one of a best friend kind of flavour. The first, has been my best friend since I was 11, and she has been there for me through my entire adolescence. The second is the kind of friend who is always there, who is down to do anything; no matter the idiocy of the idea. And then there is the third. She is the kind of friend who knows exactly what to be and who to be just when you need it more. She is the girl who is willing to skinny dip in the dead of winter and the one you go to when your favourite uncle dies. She's the one who even when you are having a ridiculously huge argument, will be there when she finds out your ex just started dating some hoe. 

One room, three destinations, four girls, seven nights. 

It will be a trip to remember, to say the least. 

School has been bland. Ive decided once I finish off this year of school, I will be enlisting in the Canadian Army. 

That is all for today!
Adios Amigos! .. right? i hope thats right.. 

New Me

I'm going to change my hair.